FRIENDSHIPS CAUSE THE MOST HEARTBREAK!

Hi Cakes! I trust you love are doing good good and keeping safe.

Today I went live on IG and spoke about friendships, lessons I've learnt, both good and bad. So I decided I should share with you guys some of those lessons as well.

I've had my share of toxic friendships, allowed toxic behaviors over and over again and I've been in spaces that I didn't feel comfortable in all because I didn't want to be the odd one out (which btw I couldn't hide no matter how hard I tried) or to miss out on creating memories with the group just because I wanted the kind of friendship(s) I had always imagined. With that being said, I've had the most amazing friendships too.

Do not get me wrong I am not trying to paint anyone on a bad light, everything that had transpired in those friendships was all because i allowed it to happen so if i have to blame someone, I will have to blame myself. I believe that you can not control people or their actions but you can control how you react to that, you can either give them control and be a victim or take responsibility of your life and emotions.

Yes people can be hurtful but sometimes they just cannot help it, hurt people hurt people and sometimes people just do not know how to love.

My Life Orientation teacher in high school used to say, "show me your friends, and i will tell you the kind of person you are", well.. that was never the case for me i was always different from my friends, they were extroverted I am an introvert, we had different perspectives about life and different interests ( does it sound like a disaster waiting to happen yet?). I am not ready yet to share the toxic events in that four years of friendship that took place and I do not know if I will ever share maybe that is because I just came to my senses or I am just embarrassed I allowed that.

I am the kind of person that always sees the good in people and I believe in second chances. I have a big heart for friendships, I love the idea of girls coming together to support, love, encourage,explore life, go on adventures, stay at home and talk about absolutely everything (or nothing) over a glass of wine , build each other and pray together. The idea of sisterhood.

Lessons learnt:

1. Never shrink yourself for someone else's comfort zone!- When you feel like you cannot be yourself or voice your opinion on something because they will think you are crazy or it will make that person uncomfortable, honey that person is not for you.

2. Choose your friends wisely - When it comes to relationships you do not date just anyone you have a type right? i am not talking about physical features or material things but characteristics that you want your partner to posses. Well that applies to friendships too."One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." Proverbs 18:24. I want friends who are reliable, trust worthy, have my best interest at heart, care about my well-being, someone who is into what i am into or at least supportive. "As iron sharpens iron, one person sharpens one another"_Proverbs 27:17. "He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harms"_Proverbs 13:20 NIV

3. Seek authenticity in your friendships - " Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses"_ Proverbs 27:6. Unfortunately we cannot say we fully know someone but along the line their true colors are revealed bit by bit therefor take note of those red flags and keep your distance. I too saw the red flags several times but i ignored them. Not everyone who calls you friend or smiles at your face wish you the best, some people are jealous and spiteful of you.

Those are the top 3 lessons that have learnt from those friendships. I am grateful for the experiences and lessons because they only made me stronger and wiser. Do not worry ya'll I do have a friend, a bestfriend who's been through thick and thin with me even during those friendships (lol she was really tired of me complaining about the same things over and over again).

"A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother"_Proverbs 18:24.

I am open to new friendships but I am a little more guarded now because I want genuine people in my life and authentic friendships and I am honestly not rushing into anything.

What has been the biggest lessons that you've learnt from friendships?