Nurturing Your Inner Child

Hi Pumpkin x

I hope you have been good. I know it has been a minute since you've heard from me but I hope that this post is going to make you understand my reason(s) why I took a minute off.

I have not shared this with anyone, nor have I been vocal about this so things may get a little emo...Ok maybe a lot!

I don't know where or how to begin but I am just going to roll with it, so please bare with me.

In the month of July, I took Mondays off for myself (and I was kinda forced to at work because I have accumulated so many leave days, lol). I never took leave because I am genuinely a workerholic and I never felt the need to not work. Also I always want to show up.

You sick? go to work and stick it out. There is no rest for kids like me, that's what I always told myself. I took that time off and got into therapy because I was sick and tired of the untriggered anxiety attacks. My coping mechanisms were not working for me anymore and reality is, I had so much healing to do. Breathing and counting down from ten wasn't working anymore I needed to get into the real issue(s).

'Healing my inner child' to me means validating my feeling and telling myself that whatever I am feeling in that moment is OK. Be it is anger, happiness, anxiety, stress, inadequacy or whatever but it is valid. This is because I was always told that I am too "emotional and sensitive" which made me feel like I needed to say less and shrink myself so I do not appear like that. We all want to be seen as tough and cool not whinny and weak right?!

Nurturing my inner child means being kind to myself, affirming myself, celebrating myself, being the person I needed and wished to be like as a kid and showing up for myself.

Being intentional, soft and allowing myself to be vulnerable has made such a huge difference in my life, in how I treat people and my perspective in life. I am kinder, softer, more gentle, patient and compassionate. It feels AMAZING to feel like I am intune with the deepest parts of myself.

I do not like being .....uhm what does our generation call being mean again? Oh yeah, "TOUGH". I don't want to be cool or to fit in, I want to be myself and belong (but akunyanzelekanga). I do not enjoy constantly thinking I need to show face just to be seen as a BADDIE or act like I ain't got time in the world to show kindess.

I am at a place where I am like "damn, I truly and genuinely like myself". I stopped saying I am stupid when I mess up but I motivate myself. I pay more attention on what makes me happy and I do more of that. I want more for myself and I will do more for myself.

When my cup is full and overflowing I am able to fill other people's cups. My life is more than just mine. I am God's vessel. I will fail over and over and over again but I will not give up on myself because I know he will never give up on me.

The world needs more kindess, show more of that and don't forget yourself while you at it.

Love,

Tey