MY POWER

Hi Pumpkin! I hope you are well and keeping safe.

Thank you for coming back for another read and for your continuous support. I am writing this blog post for all my women who have been called names, shamed and everything in between and this is a call to all my Papi's to do better.

We live in a men's world where men are applauded and praised for doing heinous things and the society shields that with "oh he's just a man" or shift the blame to the victims who have done nothing but simply be. Women are shamed and shunt for voicing their opinion because "being opinionated" makes you a bitch, shamed for dressing however they want because expressing yourself through clothes as a women is a cry for attention and women are called whores for sleeping with whomever they choose to ( but then again you can be called a whore even if you're a virgin or have one sexual partner but men are praised for having multiple sexual partners, chille!)and for partying too much (which is funny because men do not want a party without women but call the same women whores. Mmhh!).

Reality is women can never win as long as we live in a men's world.

However it is the insecure and bitter men who find comfort or joy in belittling women for who they are, how they dress or who they choose to be with. But yet again ladies we are not defined by clothes, mistakes, past, men and other people's opinions about us.

As a young black woman who have been called by every name under the sun for just breathing and being myself by strangers or/and people who claim to love me, mommy I thought I should let you know what's good.

NO ONE UNDER THE SUN CAN TELL ME WHO I AM THEM HUNNIES BETTER SHUT THE F- UP BECAUSE ONLY I CAN TELL YOU WHO I AM.

Women across the globe fall victim of abuse in the hands of men. Abuse is not just physical but I hope women and girls understand how powerful you are and never let anyone especially men take away your power. Remember you are a Queen and the only person that has a say and power over your life is God.

I encourage all young black women to work on themselves, speak your mind and be GREAT.

Brothers, If you like me or we have any kind of relationship with me I need you. We need. I need you to pledge to respect and stand up for women especially to your boys.

Do Better Pumpkins X

UNLEARNING AND BECOMING

Hey Pumpkins! I hope you loves are well and keeping safe.

Do not forget to take necessary precautions to protect yourselves, those around you and loved ones from the virus.

When I created this platform my main objective was to create a safe space for me to share my thoughts, life experiences and everything I love with hopes that someone will relate and know that s/he is not alone.

To create a safe space for everyone to be their authentic selves without being judged.

I vowed to be authentic and transparent with you guys and to tell my truth no matter how hard it is, therefor LET'S GET REAL hunz!

I have always been someone who is interested in self-development, becoming the best version of myself career wise, spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically (ok physically is uhm... a work-in-progress). I love getting to know and understanding myself.

The past couple of weeks (well the year 2020) has been a rollercoaster for all of us but with everything that has happened I am super grateful because I am not the same person I was 11 months ago with that being said, that means I am getting to know this new version of myself.

As humans we can never fully say we know ourselves because with every challenge change is inevitable and not everything we know about ourselves is all that.

I made a couple of "mistakes" for sure both professionally and personally. The one thing I learnt was that who I am is perfectly fine and there is a reason why my walls are built so high and strong therefor I should never work overtime trying to adjust or break them down when the right person or opportunity comes they will breakdown on their own or the person will be able to fit in perfectly.

Strong women are told to tone down their voices because they will scare people off, they should lower their standards, dream a little less and so forth but I have come to realize that when I listen to society and shrink myself at the end of the day I am left with nothing but regrets and disappointment.

For the longest time I have been told that I am "too much" of that and "too much" of this, I will not lie sometimes I almost believed them but BABY BABY! YOU ARE WHO YOU SAY YOU ARE. NO ONE CAN TELL YOU WHO YOU ARE.

The initial motive for this post was to write about how I am unlearning what I thought I knew or been taught and becoming but honestly y'all sometimes you do not need to change what is not broken you just have to perfect it and let it be. That is exactly what I am doing. I am a phenomenal woman sometimes my crown slips and I forget that. Oops!

With that being said I am a work-in-progress. I am a Queen and I AM BECOMING.

To all my pumpkins who are striving for greatness be it personally or career wise BE KIND TO YOURSELF. Always do the right thing instead of an easy thing. When you feel like you can do better listen to that even when people say otherwise because deep down you know your full potential and what you can bring into the table for yourself.

Love you lots pumpkins X

Tey-dagadamn-mfkn-blolgger chiiillle

IT'S NOT YOU, IT'S ME.

Hi loves! I hope you are doing well and keeping safe.

Today's blog post is about something that has affected me throughout my uni/varsity life and I realized that most people in my circle are dealing with this too so I wanted to write about it with hopes that if you are dealing with it you can find something that could be helpful to you or find comfort in knowing that you are not alone. However, I am not a medical professional nor do I have expertise in dealing with the matter or have been clinically diagnosed with it but I will be merely sharing my experience and how I am dealing with it.

Social Anxiety

Social anxiety disorder (also called social phobia) is a mental health condition. It is an intense, persistent fear of being watched and judged by others.

For people with social anxiety disorder, everyday social interactions cause irrational anxiety, fear, self-consciousness and embarrassment.

I know you are probably thinking "What the hell are you talking about Tey? not you Sweety when you put yourself out there you cannot possibly have social anxiety "well chillllee!... I do.

For you to understand this I will have to take you back to when I was a little girl (Cutie that one). I grew up very shy, I remember when I was young back home when mopping the steps and I see people walking by my house I would run to the house wait for them to pass then go continue with what I was doing. As much as I loved standing in front of a TV during Generations all eyes on me and sing "Queen Queen Queen!!!" because I was obsessed with Queen, I hated outside attention.

Growing up I never felt like I belonged with any group at home or at school, I believe it was because i grew up in the rural area but went to a private school so I was considered "too uptight" or "too boujee" also being shy did not help. Lol. I grew out of my shell S/O to my dad for always encouraging me to be myself and supporting me to aim for the stars but growing out of shell somewhat meant becoming so comfortable being alone.

I can go out with friends or chill with people and have fun but in the morning I will wake up and go through everything that had happened then go through all the emotions wondering 'was I perfect/well-spoken, did I say anything embarrassing or something that could potentially change their perception about me and blah blah blah'...

Yes it could be that I am more worried about my brand which is defined by my reputation. I mean rightfully so I have worked so hard for it and I want people to respect it (and me) and appreciate it.

Acknowledge your problem so you know and understand what you are dealing with.

However I have definitely realized the patterns or events that lead to these attacks. They can be triggered by people and certain set-ups or environment therefor it is important for you to choose the people you associate yourself with and the energies you allow in your space.

Breath!... no body cares. I know sometimes we all think people are watching you but if we are being honest people are busy minding their own business but if they are not they definitely should.

You are not alone pumpkin and it is ok to seek professional help.

XoXo

Tey